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« Monkhouse Mondays: First we take Manhattan........ | Main | Leisureville »

July 7, 2008 |Permalink |Comments (2)

New Old Age

Jane Gross from the New York Times has a new blog.

janeGross_intro.jpg


It's called The New Old Age.

I like it so far.

Here are a couple of posts...


Coming Home for Herbie


The Car Key Conversation

It well written, loaded with content and is likely to become a frequent stop for all of us.

The New York Times done a good job in covering aging for the past few years and I think that this blog is a sign that the paper continues to see the issue as important.

So far, the focus is clearly on "Caring For Your Parents" and the legendary difficulties that such caregiving can entail.

Now for a quibble.

This quote from "Coming Home for Herbie," while clearly accurate, is a bit off key.

That was the moment, Ms. Winokur said, when she knew she was truly in charge, the role reversal complete. “The time for discussion was over, and I was like a parent talking to a child,” she said. “You can clean up your room or you can’t have dessert.”
(Emphasis Mine)


The idea that adult children experience a "role reversal" idea is both common and not very helpful. In my experience, this kind of thinking can easily lead to a profound loss of dignity on the part of the older relative. It can also make caregiving more, rather than less, burdensome.


It is better, I think, to conceive of the caregiving relationship as a new phase in the original parent child relationship.

Adult children are often relieved when I say to them, "You are still your mother's child and you will always be her child but the time has come for you to become a different kind of daughter/son."

Not better, not worse, just different...

Comments ( 2)

Three observations:

1) I think the video on the site points up Bill's comment on "role reversal". The family is very caring and dedicated, yet you can see the lack of reciprocity in the caregiving. There is a feeling of obligation to provide all Herbie needs, but no insight to find out what he can give back - therefore the video shows a lot of "task-doing" in his daily care, and a lot of caregiver stress. This is natural, not due to a failing on their part - they just need guidance. Here's a place where education such as Eden At Home could provide valuable insights for the family.

2) There are only two still shots of their au pair, Debbie Robertson, yet they clearly show that she brings a spark of life into the house, and to Herbie as well. There is much she could teach the family about relating to Herbie.

3) This once again points up the need for aging in community solutions, and enlightened approaches to care.

Posted by Al Power [TypeKey Profile Page]
July 7, 2008 12:12 PM

I so agree with Bill's comments about the importance of maintaining the dignity of the elder. In fact, I found when my parents were very frail it was extremely important to make sure they felt a sense of control and purpose in as many ways as possible.

For more about how to do that, check out my website
www.EldercareLearnings.com

This is such a fabulous blog. Keep up the great work.

Louise M. Morman
Founder
Eldercare Learnings

Posted by Lmorman
July 12, 2008 9:22 AM

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